We've adjusted to a house without Gus. I no longer listen for Gus' click clack paws, or the jingle of his collar. I don't wait for him at the bottom of the stairs before I head up to bed. I'm not sweeping up daily masses of fur. Instead I jump when I see someone on the front porch, I check the locks on the doors repeatedly, I long to sweep up fur instead of food, and I feel wabi-sabi. Yep, it's a real word. I came across it a couple of nights ago while reading The Encyclopedia of an Ordinary Life by Amy Krouse Rosenthal.
Wabi-Sabi- Fuses two moods seamlessly; a sigh of slightly bittersweet contentment, awareness of the transience of earthly things, and a resigned pleasure in simple things that bear the marks of that transience.
I still feel sad, not the awful, crying my eyes out sad but the more subtle, bummed out variety. In the same instant though, I feel a deep gratitude for the life I have and the many sadnesses I don't have to endure.
There's a song by The Flaming Lips that I've always loved, it's The Spiderbite Song. It's played in my head a lot lately. Sort of just hanging out there.
"Love is the greatest thing a heart can know
But the hole that it leaves in its absence
can make you feel so
"And I was glad that it didn't destroy you
how sad that would be
'cause if it destroyed you
it would destroy me."
The Spiderbite Song
Go ahead and run like crazy in dog heaven--stop worrying about us.
We're going to be ok.
We love you,